That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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