Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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