I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
