I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
