I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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