i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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