Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
