I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
