Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we made out on top of his cat.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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