You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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