I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
