how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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