I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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