Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
