So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
