And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i barfeds in our rink
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
