now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
