You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
