Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just had sex bonerless
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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