Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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