May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
