do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
