im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
