1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
