He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
