I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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