just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
