I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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