I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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