Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
