peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
