My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
