TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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