I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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