My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
