Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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