I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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