Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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