I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
