i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
