i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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