My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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