Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
