so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
