Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
