if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
