I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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