by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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