after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
