when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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