I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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