No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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