Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
