I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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