I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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