Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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