That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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