some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
