I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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