i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
