The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
