I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
