If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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