there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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