and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
