if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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