dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
