omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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