I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
