Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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