Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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