I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
