Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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