No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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