He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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