Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
